RASA Survivors, like me, was born out of horrendous reasons, but does tremendous reaching out to people who have no clue where to go, who to trust, how to go on, and more. Unless you are a victim, you really have no idea how tough it really is. For one thing, take everything you ever learned about justice and throw it out the broken window. The legislatures MEAN well, but without consistent following through and penalties that match the crimes - until we rate humans higher than material possessions -it's a failed system. In fact, the majority of really bad crime, happens after the victim finally puts their proverbial foot down. A protective order, for instance, will hurt the victim if it's not been obtained in a court of law, however for the victim, it can mean an abuse sentence or much worse.
The number one cause of death to pregnant women? Their husbands or boyfriends. Yep. And God forbid the kids see it or live it, was well.
Let me introduce you to RASA Survivors. Many of you know I have a technical problem with the term "survivor" instead of victim, but the point is what matters (for those wondering... yes, I survived my two rapes by the same man who molested at least one of my daughters in five different jurisdictions, but at what cost? It's been eight year and we are still in court, we still are unable to move anywhere without permission. Each ring of the bell, knock on the door can start it all over. We have stalking and harassing going on sometimes 24 hours a day, which includes veiled death threats in our local paper and on his public community blogs. We are victims. We may always be. We haven't survived, we only lived through it and deal with it again and again, every single day. The term survivor is to push us away. We don't ask why the perp gets a lawyer and not only do we not get one, but we aren't even in charge, were are but "MERE WITNESSES."
I could go on... but I am exhausted. No sleep. I'll be back. In the meantime, check out my new friend's website, blog, and information.
"RASA Survivors was created for survivors and secondary survivors of Rape and Sexual Assault. NOTE: I said SURVIVORS!! Although victimized, we have survived and this site is for survival techniques and ideas. Friendships, formed from a positive light rather than a focus on negative memories from your incident."
Thank YOU for this. I am going to reread it, once I get at least a few hours of sleep - you must remember those days where you maybe get 24 hours of sleep a week! It's my bad week. But I am happy, optimistic and still a great mother. Writing and reading and listening, and hearing, and marketing relieves me of my own demons.
Best wishes to you. I'm looking forward to reading more. You inspire me. Thank you.
Thank you. I am so glad you are safe now. We are not quite safe, but we are armed with knowledge and do our best to stay safe. Someday, I know justice will come though. It's been a rough ten years... but I have hope and faith. I promise to have more up soon; I'm just learning and figuring out how this works and how to continue my own nonprofit at the same time. I'll be keeping an eye on you and your blog, too. Best wishes, you are doing terrific. Teraisa
My husband will be deployed early December. it's costing us a lot of money to purchase all his supplies and for us to move to a smaller place. I have no problem with this, nor do I have a problem not having much to spend on the kids. What I do need is help on how to help the kids in this transition. I'm scared we'll get up and he won't be here and they may not handle it well - or me. Not sure. Anyone going through this or have been through this? We have seven kids, 12 - 20.
This is not my husband's first deployment, and he's lived in another place for over a year, however, he's always been home for all "important" days.
Sorry for the loss. May your Christmas turn out beautiful regardless. Everyone is in a crunch these days, I use it to teach the kids responsibility, reasons to vote and to pay attention to the world. You can do it. Blessings from Teraisa
I am sorry. What is your disability. I, too, suffer, and sadly, because of my suffering, the kids do, too. My disease is incurable AND progressive, I think this puts added pressure on the children. If you find your angel, know that I prayed with you. I told my oldest daughter yesterday I may buy a $25 gift the family can share because, yep, it's that hard. But you know, our kids prove their love - they will be okay. What matters is that you are trying. I know, sounds cliche, but think back, sometimes we wish, as children, there was more, but our character proves we had always the exact right amount. Although I am not legally a single mom, my husband will be in Iraq at Christmas. It's up to us. We are STRONG ladies. Hugs, Teraisa
Thank God we reap what we sow -- it means we know you and your family will be okay. Thanks for all you have done, I plan on looking into it and learning a bit more. Teraisa
Hitting, kicking, slapping, insulting, threatening to commit suicide, threatening to kill, forceful sex, unwanted sex, biting, name-calling, taking your paycheck, put downs, choking, doing the same to your kids or you witnessing this to anyone in the same household... the list goes on.
Domestic violence can be emotional, physical, financial and/or verbal abuse to marrieds, living-togethers, gays, straights, blacks, whites, rich, poor, men, women and children.
Women victims are more likely to be killed by their husbands while separated from them.
October is domestic violence awareness month. True Crime Fanatic wants you to be aware EVERYDAY
The Rogers' Family Raises Awareness and Money-While Praying for an Asthma and COPD Cure.
(walk with us during the next American Lung Association walk-a-thon)
Someone once said asthma is overrated. It's unclear if this person ever struggled to breathe or watched someone they love struggle. This person probably has never seen a child watching as their parent gasps for breath wondering if they are dying. Hopefully this person never has seen their own child grasping for breath and pray to God for them to live through it. The price of asthma financially is staggering (medication, breathing treatments, emergency visits), do they know that? Some medications to help you breathe, stunt your growth, but you do what you gotta do. These asthmatics don't want this disease nor the attention, they didn?t ask for it, they don't deserve it.
Four in our family had a house built for them. It wasn't built well. You cannot see toxic mold. You cannot see asthma. But toxic mold can kill. Asthma can kill. This is serious. This is underrated
Wow, this is great of you to help others. Nevada has a special program for children up to age 18. I'm fairly certain it's called Child Checkup. Also, I have heard, but not found it in our city (though we are the Capitol city), people can go to dental schools and have students work on them for a much lower price. This does not mean you will get negligent care, either, if you care concerned of such. Schooling is immediate and there are professionals teaching and working along side the students. Good luck to everyone. Dental health is severely important.
Our family will pray for you. I wish I could personally do more, but we are in a very similar bind. We, too, are a one income family. My husband is leaving for Iraq, but the past year, we have been paying to maintain two households - we could not afford one to begin with! But you know, somehow it works out. And kids really do thrive when they are not only loved, but they know their family would do everything possible to make things better.
My sisters and I had a difficult life, which included foster care, being separated, our mother not feeling we were enough to stay alive... and we were dead broke. Still, we had a great childhood and never not felt loved and though we know NOW we were dirt poor, we only remember the good memories and laugh at never having even simple ingredients for macaroni and cheese - if we did have any, it was from a ten cent box and we used nothing but water to mix it with. We survived.
Today, I am also in agreement with you about the Internet. Without it, we would be much worse off. For one thing, every family needs a creative outlet. This provides it. It keeps you in touch with far away family, and for us, it even provides our only additional income.
Something and someone somewhere will help you. I'd call churches, ask if they have gift baskets for needy families now (and the holidays are coming up), contact the local schools, is there a citywide foodbank or drive you can benefit from? If you explain your situation to your immediate neighborhood, they may pull together to be sure you continue to get your education with as little stress as possible. Most people can't help those who help themselves enough.
You can do it. Hang in there and know we are praying for you and our family. You know what else? I KNOW we can do this, and we can do it well.
Teraisa
Editor: True Crime Fanatic, Reality Bytes, and Get It In Writing!
Imagine my surprise--horror, really--to find I have the same type of tendencies as Richard Daniel Starrett (Danny), a serial criminal serving five life sentences or more
Here is a young man, raised in a good home by a traditional moral two parent family. His parents show love in front of the children and have enviable careers. Except for headaches, there is nothing wrong nor unusual about Danny. He is the favorite child of his parents and his siblings.
Yet, a day came when his family got a call they will never forget. Danny was a fugitive and wanted by the police for kidnapping and rape (later they would learn there were several of these crimes committed, as well as murder).
Danny was married and had a daughter. He worked hard and made good money. What went wrong? His subsequent arrest and confession surprised and shocked his entire family. A Stranger In the Family, written by Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith (authors of The Mormon Murders *) was not the most memorable book I ever read, but it was the one that most made me identify with the bad guy.
This is scary. Normally, when reading, I may think I am a bit of an oddball simply for enjoying a well written crime book, but to identify with a killer? Oh boy!
Many times, we can place ourselves in the victim's shoes and ask questions--what would I have done? What could have been done differently? But how often do we put ourselves in the criminal's shoes? Rarely, I bet.
You know why? Because to do so would be admitting we could do something heinous like torture or kill. And we would not do that. We could not. Right?
I am not so sure anymore. While I do not think there are many people such as Danny in this world (a possible multiple personality disorder and definitely obsessive compulsive person), I do believe we all have the capability in us to commit serious criminal acts.
Think back to the Donner Party or the doomed soccer players trapped in the snow and wilderness, death staring them in the eyes while the bodies of their dead friends are close by. Death by hunger is eminent and lingering heavily. Nothing could convince me any ONE of these people would have ever thought they could do the unthinkable and eat the flesh of another human (much less a human they knew) a month before it actually happened. But they did, and by doing so, they saved their own lives.
I know under normal circumstances and conditions I would never dine on my friends to save my life, even if they are dead. But those are not ordinary times. Situations develop and happen.
"Teraisa," you say, "you are talking about something different. Those weren't crimes."
True. But they are inconceivable acts.
How about this scenario: A woman kills a man while he rapes her. Or: a stranger enters your house and creeps into your children's room. Startled and alerted to the intrusion, you load your gun...
As you are forced to defend yourself, you can suddenly become a killer. A forgivable one, but a killer nonetheless, by doing the inconceivable.
By using these particular stories of cannibalism and self defense, I am merely showing you it is possible to do the unthinkable.
"To save your life, sure, that's another story altogether," you point out. "It's still not the same."
You are right. It is not the same. We are driven to the same conclusions, though, as the murderer when the situation calls for it and when we can justify it.
This is what makes and keeps us different. We can commit the most inconceivable acts, but only under the right circumstances.
But as I read this book, I found something else that made me like Danny. Danny said he did not want to do these things, he explained that he had to do them. At first, his crimes seem to be an uncontrollable impulse, but later in the book, he lets us in on his other personality. Do not worry, I do not have another being living in me (I doubt Danny does, either), but I do have uncontrollable impulses.
I have to work at all times. If I am at a red light, I sort through my mail. A wait at the doctor's office allows me to balance my checkbook. Forget television, I cannot sit still long enough... unless I am folding laundry or writing a letter, that is. And yes, I am the person you heard about who makes lists of things to do while in the throes of passion.
It drives my family crazy. It drives me crazy. I tried to be different, but learned it was easier to live with it than to fight it.
So, now, I have to wonder, I know I am capable of committing inconceivable acts and I am aware I am obsessive compulsive. Could I have done what Danny did?
I would never kill anyone unless in self defense, or in defense of another human being. I believe those that kill for any other reason must have a psychopathic disorder (AKA sociopathic). Psychopaths know right from wrong, but consciously they choose to follow a sinister path. Their crimes are often likened to a sport and decidedly NOT defense. The real difference between he and myself--or you? We are not morally insane.
*This is an excellent book, the information revealed in it caught me by surprise.
I absolutely love this blog! I will pass it on to anyone who needs the information. Best wishes, Teraisa
Our family will pray for you. I wish I could personally do more, but we are in a very similar bind. We, too, are a one income family. My husband is leaving for Iraq, but the past year, we have been paying to maintain two households - we could not afford one to begin with! But you know, somehow it works out. And kids really do thrive when they are not only loved, but they know their family would do everything possible to make things better. 
